This post by the great Dave Holmes — one of my closest pretend internet friends — killed me last year. It’s worth re-posting in full (with Dave’s pretend permission, of course):
O What Fun It Is To Shut Up About Whether Or Not You’re Allowed To Say “Merry Christmas.”
Because you should remember two very important things:
1) You are, and
2) No, really: you are.
There is no such thing as the War On Christmas. Yes, there are a few incidents in which people are arguing about whether nativity scenes or explicitly Christmas-related displays have any place on public property, which is
1) an argument worth having, and
2) up to those individual communities to work out for themselves.
People have been saying “Happy Holidays” and “Season’s Greetings” as long as I’ve been alive, and I didn’t learn until recently that I was supposed to be a huge, ungracious dick about it. In my childhood, I thought it meant “Merry Christmas AND Happy New Year,” and now that I’m a grown-up and I have friends of all different cultural and religious backgrounds, I realize it’s just a nice thing to say. Happy Whatever You Celebrate. I say “Merry Christmas” a lot too, because that’s my cultural and religious background, and I haven’t run into trouble yet. Neither have you.
The War On Christmas, like Santa Claus, is something people made up to compel you to buy things or watch TV shows.
Also, the X in Xmas is not an English-alphabet X, but a Greek Chi, Chi standing for “Christ.” Nobody is X-ing out Jesus.
I know you all know this, but I just read way too many posts about it today. (Way too many is 2.) Also, I’m steeling myself for my trip home, where last year one of my brothers came over for Christmas-present-opening with his family, opened the door and said: “Merry Christmas! I’m still allowed to say that, right?” Ugh. Yes. Yes, you are still allowed to say that. You will always be allowed to say that. Stick a nog in it.