My presidential plan

29 Aug

I’ve said it time and again, if I were ever elected President, this is how the entirety of my term would be spent:

Day 1: Enact law requiring white noise to be pumped into every public restroom. Waves of unprecedented popularity will wash over me due to my greatly popular new law.

Day 2: Outlaw the playing of “The Star Spangled Banner” forevermore, to be replaced by Ray Charles’s version of “America the Beautiful” as our new national anthem. Immediately get assassinated.

Obviously, there is no hope in getting the national anthem changed, at least not in our lifetime, but I am happy to have learned I’m not alone in this wish. Down with the Star Spangled Banner! Let’s get this movement going.


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