Apropos of nothing: how to be hungover at work

8 Jun

I’m not hungover at work very often — far less than in years’ past at least — but I’m a wily vet of the trade and thus have developed two strategies worth passing along:

(1.) Wear your best clothes. Your first inclination after waking up with a righteous hangover is to throw on whatever outfit is comfortable. Fight that urge. The smart play is to dress nice enough to impress your colleagues (but not so much that they suspect you’re heading to a job interview over lunch).

People are inherently kinda shallow and judge others on their wardrobe (we all do this, actually, not just shallow people). So, if you are rocking your most impressive threads, you may throw some people off the reality that you are currently dizzy and brain-dead.

Plus it will make you feel just a little bit better when you look in the mirror and notice that the bags under your eyes are at least slightly offset by your crisp blazer. Really, it will.

(2.) When you get to work, tell your co-workers that you have a sore neck. This is smart for two reasons: {1} You are free to pop as many painkillers at your desk as you please without any nosy cube-hoverers getting suspicious.

And {2} the explanation helps explain why you seem pissy and tired all day. You aren’t an irresponsible sponge-tongue who drank so much you’re unable to bring even one solid idea to the brainstorm about organically integrating mobile platforms, you’re the guy/girl who is bravely gutting out a workday despite being in obvious and constant pain.

Very simple, very helpful. The end.

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One Response to “Apropos of nothing: how to be hungover at work”

  1. Jon June 8, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    One of my coworkers has been complaining of a sore neck with increasing frequency lately. He’s also been leaving to go to the “chiropractor.”

    Should I schedule an intervention?

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