Friday swag

28 Jan

Ben McGrath wrote a long, insightful, detail-heavy article in The New Yorker about the danger of concussions in football. It is thorough and scary and oh god I’ve already lost you, haven’t I? No chance any diehard fan reads it, so here is the cliff’s note: football is way more dangerous than you think, and you could probably be labeled barbaric for not wanting changes to be made. Sorry.

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An 89-year-old babysitter (you read that right) has been arrested for sexually assaulting a 13-year-old girl. (I don’t even have to mention the state. You know the state.) This is not his first offense.

Look, I understand that the old man is a criminal who needs to be locked up forevermore, but maybe we shouldn’t be trusting an 89-year-old to be running a daycare to begin with?

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Back in the day, in the most desperate lulls in conversation I used to point out that if you used the same square footage per person of a typical Manhattanite, you could basically fit all of Minnesota within the city limits of Minneapolis. Got a ton of slow nods in response pretty much 100% of the time. Jealous?

Well, don’t be. I’ve just been one-upped (in math terms; one-downed in terms of being a cool person) by a guy who realized that, using the same ratio, the entire world population could fit in Texas. That is interesting! I would kill myself!

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