Our Chinese overlords won't be here for a while

23 Dec

Say, do any of you have any doomsdayers in your lives? Of course you do. An example: last year on our honeymoon, a batty geriatric told us the first thing we needed to do as a married couple was to stock up on bottled water and canned food and find us a shelter, “just in case.”

He didn’t elaborate, of course, probably because that would have required the functioning brain cells that deserted him long ago. It remains my favorite memory of the honeymoon, at least one that doesn’t involve ball gags.

A favorite topic of doomsdayers these days is China. [Cue scary music.] These terrified souls can never say exactly *what* China is going to do or even why, but they’ll tell you that China now owns most of the land in America, and they’re an economic superpower, and their Army is ten times the size of ours, and nuclear warheads, and also Communism and Pearl Harbor.

Well, if anyone in your life gravely brings up the threat of China in upcoming conversations, here is an article from Esquire that will give you all the information you need to talk those frightened souls off the ledge. They don’t have enough young people to support all the olds, they have a water shortage, corruption, political upheaval and myriad other issues.

By the way, I take no satisfaction in reporting that another country is even more effed up than ours. Just saying it’s probably time to stop fretting about the impending invasion.

At least from China, that is. I’m sure the North Korean Iraqi Taliban Immigrants will be kicking down your door any day now. Better stock up and find a shelter, just in case.

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