The kids are alright (in a bad way)

19 Jul

From LiveScience:

Between smoking banana peels, suffocating each other and eating nutmeg, it seems like teenagers will do nearly anything to get the high associated with illegal drug use. But if educators at Mustang High School in Mustang, Oklahoma are to be believed, an even more unlikely pseudo-drug has found its way into common use: psychedelic music and tones that can be downloaded through the Internet.

But drug experts are highly skeptical that such “digital drugs,” or “i-doses” as some are calling it, are actually harmful or addictive.

Teenagers at the high school claim that listening to these monotonous, layered sounds in a dark room can cause the same effects as ingesting illegal drugs like marijuana or LSD. The problem has reached the point where Mustang High School recently sent a letter to parents warning them about this growing trend.

After an exhaustive effort, I have been able to procure the warning letter sent from Mustang High School. It goes as such:

Dear Parent(s),

We have recently received word that many students of our renowned school are claiming to experience psychedelic benefits from playing music at certain frequencies. No harmful physical effects have been discovered via this activity as of yet, but we feel it is imperative to write you all to pass along an important message.

These kids are pussies. That is the reason we are writing you. Your kid: total and utter pussy. Remember what we used to get high from in our day? That’s right: actual drugs. Weed, beers, acid, mushrooms…any old thing we could get our hands on, so long as it fucked us up. Boxes of wine? Shit yeah, why not. For god’s sake, our superintendent was once locked up for three months after getting caught selling angel dust at the local roller rink.

The kids these days wouldn’t know a good drug if we dissolved it in their Diet Rockstars and injected it in their Uncrustables. We hate them all.

Please, parents, talk some sense into your absolute wusses of children. This is getting embarrassing.

Regards
Mustang High School staff

P.S. They’re totally wrong about this “digital drug” thing. We tried it after the  parent conferences in Principal Foster’s basement and felt nothing. Nada. Now, the joints we scored from Superintendant Davis… that’s a whole ‘nother story.

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