Tuesday swag

8 Jun

Today in counterintuitive scientific findings: massages actually slow recovery after exercise.

However, scientists still highly recommend massages on account of how much everyone loves happy endings. (Scientists are noted horndogs.)

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Joe Posnanski did some research on whether it’s better to face Albert Pujols with two runners on or an average hitter with the bases loaded. Depending on how open-minded you are, you’ll either be happy to learn something new, or call Posnanski a numbers-fudging liar and accuse him of witchcraft.

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Any readers looking to try a new hangover cure might want to try coconut water, recently blessed by a TIME writer (though medical professionals are unconvinced). As I have recently won the Lifetime Achievement Award for “worst hangovers, adult male division,” I’ll be giving coconut water a try very soon, despite the fact that it sounds disgusting.

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This is very sad news, but it made me laugh anyway:

Foxconn International Holdings Ltd., one of Apple’s Chinese manufacturers, is asking its employees to sign a pledge that they will not kill themselves as the company tries to control the damage from a spate of suicides among its work force.

Tough to enforce a rule when there is literally no possible way to punish the offender. What are you going to do, suspend the dead person without pay? Punch the corpse at the funeral? (I repeat: this is a terribly sad situation.)

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