This just in: bros just love getting hammered, bro

25 May

I am apparently the last person on the planet to hear about the frat-boy phenomenon of “bros icing bros.” The rules are as such: if you hand a bro a Smirnoff Ice, they have to get down on one knee and chug the entire bottle. Doesn’t matter when, where, what time, etc. It may happen while driving, may happen at work, may happen while macking on dumb sluts at the club. The only defense is to be holding an Ice of your own at the time of presentation, in which case the initiator has to chug both bottles. This is called an Ice Block.

The strangest part of the whole fad is how all these bros are so willing to participate, as if this is some government-mandated activity. (Though I suppose videos of people not playing along wouldn’t be worth posting.) Drink this Ice? Sure thing. Fist pound it out when I’m done?

I can’t see my group of friends being such good sports, but then again we’re straddling the 30-year-old line and may be past the range of enjoying such things. Either way, here is how I picture the scene with my friends if there was an Ice attempt:

FRIEND 1: [Shoves a Smirnoff Ice in friend’s hand] Here you go, brah! You’ve been Iced!

FRIEND 2: I’ve been what?

FRIEND 1: Iced, bro! You have to drink this entire mango Smirnoff!

FRIEND 2: What? Why?

FRIEND 1: Um, because of the game, bro! Shit’s been all over the internet! I give you an Ice, you have to slam that motherfucking Ice! Everyone’s playing! Bottoms up, mofo!

FRIEND 2: Nah.

FRIEND 1: But…it’s a requirement! Don’t be a bitch! Be a bro!

FRIEND 2: Not happening. Let it go.

FRIEND 1: But! It’s just! … [Sighs, turns around and walks away]

Fin.

(Bonus reading: the comments at The Awl are hilarious, as they always are over there.)

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