Bill Simmons vs. Keith Olbermann: both somehow lose

6 Mar

This latest catfight between Simmons and Olbermann has been quite a bit of fun, yes? It’s not every day you see two well-known media members engage in such an overt debate while somehow each making absolutely zero salient points.

After Simmons’s asinine article comparing Tiger Woods’s situation to Muhammed Ali’s comeback in 1970 (“sure Ali had struggles considering he was a draft-dodging outspoken black man in the heat of the Civil Rights era, but Tiger has Us Weekly in his grill 24/7!”), Olbermann disparaged the column and added:

“I am again left to marvel how somebody can rise to a fairly prominent media position with no discernible insight or talent, save for an apparent ability to mix up a vast bowl of word salad very quickly.”

Olbermann, you have already won the lifetime achievement award for “Most Hilariously Over-Dramatic Rants.” The trophy is sitting on your mantel. No one is taking that from you, so please, tone it down. Even Liza Minnelli thinks you’re too emotional.

But then! Just when you thought Olbermann was the shoo-in loser of this adorable spat, Simmons shot back — via Twitter, natch — with:

“KO, please know the feeling is mutual. You’re my worst case scenario for my career in 12 yrs: a pious, unlikable blowhard who lives alone.”

Oof. He almost made a point there, but Simmons sealed his “F” in debate by ending his zinger with “ha ha, you’re single!” I’m not  sure you can come up with a less relevant point. Why not finish up by calling him ugly?

After about six seconds of consideration, I hereby award both these whiners 0 total points. Fellas, for the sake of your bruised reputations and our sanity, please end this debate now.

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