How to wake up in the morning

13 Jan

I happened up on the Cool Infographics site yesterday and noticed what is indeed a cool infographic:

This poster reminded my of my post “It’s a Vivarin Thing,” first published here almost four years ago, which details my lifelong struggles with morning alertness. (Wow, that sounds awfully dramatic. Just saying I am the opposite of a “morning person.” Examples at the link above.)

In that post I unveiled a life-changing solution, which I will now re-explain for my fellow morning-haters; those of us who appreciate coffee but realize it’s the 20 minutes before coffee that are truly the most painful.

STEP 1: Go to a drugstore and buy some caffeine pills. They’ll cost like $7. Vivarin is probably the best-known brand, but generic versions will work just as well. They all contain the equal 200 mg of caffeine.

STEP 2: Go home, dump the pills on your kitchen counter, grab a razorblade or your sharpest knife (you’re going to feel like a druggie at this point; don’t worry, the feeling will pass) and split each pill in half. Dump the pills back into the container and place the container in your nightstand.

STEP 3: Before going to sleep, place a half-pill on your nightstand* along with a glass of water.

*You may very well find yourself interested in creating a “pill pedestal.” I cut a dixie cup in half horizontally and flipped it upside down, but that is just one option. Feel free to devise a pill pedestal out of whatever you please. Or just place it on the nightstand. Whatever you prefer. I’m not running your life here.

STEP 4: Set a second alarm, probably on your cell phone, for 25 minutes prior to your regular wake time.

STEP 5: When the early alarm goes off, pop the half-pill and chug some water. Immediately go back to sleep. When your regular alarm goes off, I can guarantee you will be much more alert than usual. (Unless caffeine doesn’t affect your energy level. But if that were the case, you wouldn’t still be reading, would you?) Waking up will not suck anymore.

Repeat these steps for infinity. I can’t put into words how important this discovery has been to me. I wouldn’t dream of missing my tried-and-true waking process. Pre-caffeine pill, the first 30 minutes of every day were absolute hell. These days, I find waking up to be fairly simple and not at all annoying.

(A warning: to help your body stave off a reliance on caffeine, thus allowing its effects to continue to help you wake up, keep your daily intake level below 300 mg. That caffeine pill is worth 100, so if you stick to one cup of coffee/two caffeined sodas or so throughout the day, you should be just fine.)

To you morning haters out there, I wish you luck and offer my hearty “you’re welcome.”  Your new life starts today.

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4 Responses to “How to wake up in the morning”

  1. Gates January 14, 2010 at 12:07 am #

    Wow…that routine would be enough to put me back to sleep.

  2. RandBall's Stu January 14, 2010 at 8:38 am #

    This seems like a lot of hoops to jump through when you can just do a shitload of cocaine instead.

  3. Mike October 11, 2011 at 5:02 am #

    Great system… I’ve been doing exactly the same thing for years now! Only difference is that I usually use NoDoz or generic nodoz (white, not yellow) because they’re scored and don’t fall apart when you halve them like Vivarin. Oh, and instead of a pedestal I put it inside a 3oz plastic solo cup so I don’t knock it on the floor when I’m smacking the alarm clock like a drunk caveman. I think Sony actually inspired me to do this when they put 2 alarm settings on their old (late 90s) Dream Machine.

  4. Katrina A. January 2, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    I was just in Vitamin Shoppe looking around for something I could take before bed to wake me up in the morning when this idea dawned on me! I got home and Googled it to see if anyone else has tried it. I can’t wait to try this in the morning!

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