Say goodbye to hangovers

6 Jan

With technological innovations progressing at blinding speeds — yesterday I was doing a crossword in a thing called a “newspaper,” tomorrow I plan on creating yet another clone of myself, the latest made specifically to do my ironing — it’s become a bit of a running joke with the kids these days about how funny it will be to tell our eventual children (which I presume will be in hologram form only) of our olden-time technologies. We’ve all sat back and laughed about how funny it will be to do our impressions of the sound of dial-up, or explain how heavy our first computers were or that our phones used to be attached to walls.

Funny, right? Yes, this will all be very funny. But what if I told you there is a very real possibility of adding another, much more important aspect to this growing list of soon-to-be-surreal bad things of the past: hangovers.

Yes, I said hangovers. Someday, perhaps not too far into the future, these horrifying experiences will be no more. A few snippets from this most promising article:

The new substance could have the added bonus of being “switched off” instantaneously with a pill, to allow drinkers to drive home or return to work.

The synthetic alcohol, being developed from chemicals related to Valium, works like alcohol on nerves in the brain that provide a feeling of wellbeing and relaxation.

But unlike alcohol its does not affect other parts of the brain that control mood swings and lead to addiction. It is also much easier to flush out of the body.

Finally because it is much more focused in its effects, it can also be switched off with an antidote, leaving the drinker immediately sober.

Imagine a world where you can indulge in a liquid lunch without that pesky “getting fired for this would be so embarrassing” worry! Being completely blitzed and dry-humping a random at the club one minute, and safely driving home the next! I’m experiencing a seratonin overload just considering the array of possibilities.

But ease up, kids. Settle on down for a sec. Before you start shrieking in elation, hugging strangers and removing your pants (or however you celebrate good news), it’s important to note this potential new Greatest Invention Of Our Lifetimes Besides DV-R is nowhere near entering the marketplace, and for all we know, could never come to fruition. But just know there are scientists out there working on such a thing, with plenty of pharmaceutical options at their disposal to use in the ingredients, and god knows many millions of consumers who’d purchase it. Seems like something worth doing.

And, even if this innovation never sees the light of day, take solace knowing there will be plenty of other advancements — and by proxy, outdated products — in which to entertain your holo-kids with. All is not lost.

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