Hey guys, remember Allen Iverson? Sure you do. He played basketball…short little guard for the Sixers…me-first ball hog with the tats…ah yes, now you remember. I knew that’d jog your memory.
So anyway, get a load of this one: first this thug with corn rows and tattoos somehow makes it to the NBA, probably because he took like a hundred shots per game in college, and if you take that many a certain amount are bound to go in, amirite? So he makes it to the NBA, and he totally ruins the sport with his selfishness and brashness and no defense laziness, and then a few years ago he calls together a press conference to announce to the world – with children watching – that he thinks practice is a worthless endeavor that he isn’t going to attend anymore. So he just basically stops going. And the team doesn’t even suspend him!
Then a few years after that, everyone realizes he sucks and he gets traded and traded again and then cut probably – way too late as far as I’m concerned, considering he’s a worthless thug, but still – and then is eventually forced to retire. Which means everyone is happy, right? Well, that is going a bit too far because now there are like 500 other criminals in the league with corns rows and tats going one-on-five because all they care about is themselves, and this is as you know the entire 100% fault of one Allen Iverson, goddammit I miss Larry Bird, okay where was I again? oh right, just saying it’s nice that finally the league wizened up and decided it didn’t need ol’ “A.I.”
But then, of course, the Sixers decide they want to sell a few more tickets, it’s all about the bucks these days, so they go ahead and re-sign that bastard Iverson. And yesterday the Godfather of Thugs himself called a press conference to tell everyone about a new tattoo he’s planning on getting, or anyway something like that, who knows what he’s saying because of all the ebonics, right? So here is the video:
Liar! He’s a liar and a crook and oh never mind goddammit, I’m crying my eyes out right now. Shit.