Too bad you've been busy getting tortured because SportsCenter has been awesome lately

9 Sep

Let’s say for a minute that you’re reading about the surreal story of Jaycee Dugard when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you start thinking about all the supercool sports stories she missed while being raped and held captive and basically forced to live a life of horrifying isolation. And how it must’ve totally sucked for her, missing all the sports.

What I’m guessing you, as a regular person, would do is immediately shake your head clear of such a ridiculous thought and pretend it never crossed your mind to begin with. No harm no foul (you, as an obsessed sports fan, use inane analogies like that quite often).

But what do you do if you’re Mark Whicker, longtime columnist for the OC Register? Hilariously, you take that idea and run with it, eventually penning one of the greatest “this is so crazy I wonder if it’s a joke” columns in recent memory. That last bullet is just unspeakably fantastic.

As you can guess, readers promptly freaked the fuck out, which led to Whicker confirming the bit wasn’t satire by writing up an apology, which was gracious and forthcoming and it totally ruined all the fun. Time to move on.

But there was like a minute there, before cooler heads sadly prevailed, that this hullabaloo was incredibly enjoyable.


3 Responses to “Too bad you've been busy getting tortured because SportsCenter has been awesome lately”

  1. Numero 6 September 10, 2009 at 6:10 am #

    “Congratulations, Jaycee. You left the yard.” Oh so good:)

  2. RandBall's Stu September 10, 2009 at 7:34 am #

    Dude totally stole the hook for my Friday Twinkie Town feature. Looks like I’m stuck with 500 words about how the starting rotation is just like Hitler.

  3. lattewarrior September 10, 2009 at 1:43 pm #

    I both appreciate and hate that you brought this to my attention.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: