There goes the crack-smoking tutorial

4 Sep

The superfun political news of the day is that Republicans have asked to see the text of President Obama’s upcoming speech addressing our schoolchildren. They are concerned with the content and whether it will be appropriate for children. I am not kidding. This is really happening.

It’s a real shame too, because those prudes will almost definitely cut the President’s rumored introduction of “I would like to open my speech by asking all you kids out there if you know the difference between peanut butter and jam. Well, here it is: I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass. Yeah, bitches! Also, if you don’t support socialism, your pets will be killed.”

Jesus Christ people, this is the President, not Tyrone from the Chappelle Show. And not to go all geezer on you here (which is pretty much impossible seeing as how I’m not even 30), but remember when there was a general modicum of respect for the President no matter his political party? Or did that not happen? For chrissakes, I remember my fourth grade teacher wheeled a tiny TV into our classroom to watch us invade Iraq in ’91. Nary a peep from her about the political implications. Though, I do remember my teacher quietly crying at her desk while the rest of us wondered if it’d be okay to change the channel to “Bobby’s World.” But to her credit, she really did try to keep it to herself.

And sure, now that I think about it there was the one time one of my substitute teachers mentioned JFK, and I, loudmouth then as I am now, piped up to inform him that my grandpa told me he was a terrible president, and the guy jammed his finger into my chest telling me that my grandpa was wrong, that he was a great president and an American hero and I’ll someday realize it.

That is honestly the only conversation I can remember regarding political views in the classroom, from kindergarten to high school, and frankly I brought that one on myself.

Has something changed? Or have I romanticized the past? Point is, the ubiquity of this partisan BS is getting incredibly sickening. How am I supposed to ignore politics if they’re infiltrating every last corner of our goddamn society?


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