The most pointless thing I have ever read

4 Jun

mortreport

 

Well, that about wraps up this “internet” experiment. Time for a new medium, people. We gave it a good run, but we ended up abusing it too much, clogging up the tubes with our self-absorbed inanities and no doubt causing all future generations to hate us for our exploitation of this wonderful gift, and now it’s time to move on. Let’s pack the whole thing up and send it off to a species who can treat it right. We do not deserve the internet.

I know we’re living in a planet-sized gray area regarding what is newsworthy and what isn’t, but I don’t think you’d find a soul who’d argue this was an even mildly interesting anecdote. Come on, Mort. How far over the line have you gone when you feel that even the attempt at swatting a fly needs to be shared with the world? Sneezing? Applying chapstick? Scratching your ass? Step away from the internet, because you are ruining it for the rest of us.

Secondly, Mort, unless you have discovered the ability to Twitter with your mind, the movements you made while typing helped the fly escape. It’s gone, dipshit. You fail at everything.

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2 Responses to “The most pointless thing I have ever read”

  1. newbie June 4, 2009 at 9:23 pm #

    Crap, and I was almost finished with the internet. Are you sure this wasn’t just agent-driven speculation about the fly?

  2. Cool Rut June 5, 2009 at 8:58 am #

    This is why, despite facts to the contrary, I think your generation is worthless. And old farts, like Mort, who try to adopt your riduculous mediums are more worthless.

    sent from flixstertwitfacespace on iphone.

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