Tracy Jordan quotes (30 Rock)

20 May

t-jordanI apparently have too much free time on my hands, because I read this entire list of everything Tracy Jordan said in season 3 of 30 Rock. I’ve done the trouble of selecting my favorites and listing below. You are welcome.

“Frank, for all your hard work, please accept this set of solid gold nunchuks.”

“You’re going to sue me? Who do you think you are, the San Diego zoo?”

“You can’t sue me, I’m already being sued. Double indemnity!”

“I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.”

“Is there nothing sacred? Have we lost our moral center? It just makes me want to pee on someone.”

“You said I’d never amount to anything. Look at me now, look at this necklace.”

“Well, if all you want is a hug from a black person, maybe you should just host the Price is Right.”

“Good, we’ll be over at 2. My kids have a peanut allergy, but my dogs only eat steak.”

“This is happening, Jack. You can stay or you can leave, but it’s going to take a while.”

“Diabetes and diet. Next you’ll be telling me that leasing a sports car is a bad investment.”

“I went out with the interns. Those white boys are not kidding around. Have you ever tasted scotch? It’s terrible! And this thing they call ‘box seats at the Ranger’s game,’ it’s so cold. And what is Rohyphnal?”

“I know love at first sight when I see it. I saw it when I met Angie. I saw it the first time Dotcom laid eyes on Griz’s fiance.”

“Devil’s avocado here, Larry. I think people should freak the geek out. Withdraw all your money and hide it.”

“I’m saying the Disneyfication of New York is over, everyone. At the stroke of midnight, your Lexus is going to turn back into a hot pile of rats fighting over a human finger.”

“I don’t need a birthday cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinking, they’re often a surprise.” 

“There you are, Liz Lemon. You wanna buy half a watch? I have to pay my fine in cash. I guess FCC stands for Federal Bunch of Sticklers.”

“Bill Cosby? You gotta a lot of nerve getting on the phone with me after what you did to my Aunt Paulette.”

“What is this, Horseville? Cuz I am surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!”

“Jenna, I just want you to know, that if we find any human remains in there, I’m gonna throw up all over your face.”

“I had to. Friendship and trust in the entourage is the most important thing. Like that HBO show, John Adams.”

“We’re going out tonight, Jacky D, and we’re going to be tempted like Jesus in the wilderness. Jesus is my stereo guy and the Wilderness is a club I took him to once.”

“Irregardless, you know what? Race card!”

“I almost didn’t make it here this afternoon, but then a very special friend showed me the way. So I’d like to take a moment to thank Victor Cardova from the Sunoco station on Lennox Avenue.” 

“There you are, you stupid cracker. Do you know why I get a hotel room? To poop in peace! No kids banging on the door, no phones ringing. It’s my time! Every Tuesday and Thursday at three PM. I don’t know why I only go twice a week. That’s what Angie should be worried about.”

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5 Responses to “Tracy Jordan quotes (30 Rock)”

  1. lattewarrior May 20, 2009 at 12:33 pm #

    Freaking awesome.

  2. RandBall's Stu May 21, 2009 at 5:46 am #

    A public service, is what that is.

  3. Cool Rut May 21, 2009 at 10:24 am #

    I love that you had too much time on your hands. I usually watch Grey’s Anatomy because it allows me to spend time with my wife. It is not a shame to love your wife and make sacrifaces like this. Embarrasing maybe but not shameful.

  4. B. May 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm #

    Well, you don’t have to choose THAT hour as the one that you spend with your wife. My guess is you enjoy the show and are using this as an excuse. Which is a flimsy one, I might add.

  5. A.B. May 21, 2009 at 3:57 pm #

    “My kids have a peanut allergy, but my dogs eat only steak.”

    I have been giggling at this line all day. Sometimes in public. Hopefully that Barista who just served me will recall me as the happiest schizophrenic ever.

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