Totally appropriate fine, MLB

13 May

In case you hadn’t heard, or more likely couldn’t possibly care less, MLB has fined White Sox closer Bobby Jenks $750 for throwing a pitch behind Ian Kinsler’s head. FYI, Jenks makes $5.6 million this year. 

Not like this is totally accurate or even slightly relevant, but do you know what the equivalent fine would be for someone making $50k a year? A cool $6.70. So, to make up for the loss, you’d have you bring your lunch to work the next day rather than ordering your favorite Quiznos extra value meal (Honey Bourbon, obvs). Tough times.

I can imagine this playing out in the real world. Someone’s fucking around in a warehouse somewhere, jokingly shooting staples from a staple gun toward the company nerd just to scare him, when all of a sudden the boss shows up. “Whoa, Doug, easy now. I understand you weren’t deliberately trying to hurt Trevor there, but someone could have seriously gotten hurt. I don’t think you realize that. This is not a joking matter. 

“To show you how serious I am about the danger of staple gun shooting, I’m going to levy a fine that will surely deter this kind of behavior from happening again. Here me loud and clear: I will be taking approximately $7 out of your next paycheck. Post-tax. That’ll learn ya.”

***

(Site news: new podcast will be up Thursday. Go shout it from the mountaintop. Then come back to tune in.)

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