It's about that time: the '09 Resolution

10 Dec

Despite big promises, years of experience and a phD in blogging (National American University class of ’07!), I realize this site doesn’t offer much in the way of “fresh content” or “humor” or “anything readable.” That said, I can confidently declare the WoB has offered up some of the dopest New Year’s Resolutions in the entire world wide interblogs.

There was the “50 new bars/restaurants” of 2007, which netted new experiences and some hella good times all around. Then there was the “25 books/50 movies” of Aught-Eight, which, yes, has been a challenge, but not so insurmountable you shouldn’t consider borrowing the concept for your own resolution. Yes, we’ve got some serious and concerning problems at this here site, but lack of solid resolutions ain’t one of them.

Which brings us to ’09. Since I’ve brung the pain two years running, I knew I had to conjure up a resolution that was both appealing and maintainable, and of course relevant enough to offer updates to my sexy readership on the WoB.

One idea I’d been kicking around was to take the “you learn something new every day” and commit it to cyberpaper. A weekly update with seven new knowledge nuggets? Sounds interesting, educational, worthy of sharing . . . and totally unsustainable. Sad but true. Plan abandoned. Which meant I was nearing year end with nary an idea hatched.

But then!

A few weeks back, in conversation with the boys at the local lanes (league game), we decided to create a hybrid New Year’s resolution/yearlong contest between the four of us. We’re competitive as all hell, and decided that the best way to keep motivated on our resolutions would be within a contest format. Further discussion resulted in our idea for six two-month challenges throughout the calendar year, starting with a weight loss challenge in January.

(This is not as girly as it seems. Though we are all fairly thin and not in need of any weight loss, our main motivation for deciding on this challenge was because (a) we figured it’d be a nice guilt-free way to eat whatever we damn well please during the holidays – after all, we’re just bulking up for the contest onset on Jan 1, but mostly because (b) one of our foursome is so damn competitive we figure he’ll get down to about 75 pounds by the end of February. Diet pills, stomach stapling, colon cleansing, spending full weekends in a sauna…the guy’s a prime candidate for manorexia.)

But enough of my rambling. There was a point to this post. The point is this: we need ideas, and we’re looking in your general direction for assistance. The loose criteria are as follows:

Needs to be good for us. I don’t mean 100% healthy or anything, but we aren’t in the market for any “who can go the longest without shaving” or “who can pass the biggest tapeworm” type stuff. We’ve got plenty of time for immature one-off contests. No, this is a yearlong resolution to better ourselves in one way or another, or at least develop a skill that will prove useful in the future.

No “on our honor” contests. We are far too competitive, and far too dishonest.

Something that needs to be worked on the entire two months. We want challenges that we build towards, and work to succeed. Hence, “who can eat the most watermelon in one sitting” won’t fly because it requires no preparation, which fucking sucks because I would win easily.

A few ideas have been bandied about – brewing the best beer, most volunteer hours, something to do with sewing (shut up – it’s a valuable skill), learning a new language, putting a few bucks on the stock market, etc – but we haven’t yet decided on our five remaining challenges.

That’s where you come in. Got any bright ideas? Any suggestions to offer up? Bring ‘em on, via the comments or email. We need your help. Do weigh in.

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13 Responses to “It's about that time: the '09 Resolution”

  1. mj December 11, 2008 at 8:59 am #

    This is actually an idea I got from stinger. You could each have to memorize all the words to every song on a cd in the correct track order and the one who can go the farthest without messing up or humming through parts wins.

    . . . or hat balancing.

  2. Dave MN December 11, 2008 at 9:43 am #

    You could all try to take the ACT again (I don’t know if this is allowed, but there has to be a service that lets adults do this). Two months of prep, best score wins.

    Longest field goal contest

    Cooking contest – you would have to be afforded similar ingredients and given a couple hours. You could use the months to practice. You’d have to get a panel of non-biased judges.

  3. A.B. December 11, 2008 at 9:55 am #

    Bettering oneself or helping others is what resolutions should be all about. I applaud you and your competitive friends. But you’re skinny and don’t need to lose weight!

    Here’s a challenge: Who can find foster or permanant homes for any of the local homeless dogs and puppies who will otherwise be euthanized? I have fostered puppies before for http://www.safehandsrescue.org and it is a great feeling to help an animal become an adored, wanted pet.

    This morning I received an e-mail from safehands begging for temporary or permanent homes for any of three sweet, happy, well-behaved adult dogs who need help now. The note said their days are numbered. Who can help?

  4. Jon December 11, 2008 at 10:13 am #

    My comment got lost, but it was a good one.

  5. BreAnne December 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm #

    Dave beat me to the cooking idea. How about a race of some sort, like running or biking?

  6. ms. mpls December 11, 2008 at 2:54 pm #

    stop swearing. lame idea, but yet difficult to do.
    (or-maybe-i’m-just-a-mother-fucking-sailor-swearing-son-of-a-bitch)

    you could also make “fouls” for certain words or enforce a “two-minute torture” scenario ala the sin bin.

    “d” word = lite punishment
    “f” word = punishment
    combo of swears i.e. “F”ing ” “A” hold = more punishment

    you get the drift, eh?

  7. ms. mpls December 11, 2008 at 2:54 pm #

    * hold should have been “hole”

  8. RandBall's Stu December 11, 2008 at 3:19 pm #

    Create a new swear word. See if you can get other people to adopt it.

    I’ll even help you: twunt. Usage: “That twunt looks at me funny one more time, I’ll go straight up Blaine on his ass.”

    You’re welcome.

  9. Cool Rut December 11, 2008 at 9:28 pm #

    Who could take a handful of seeds from an Amsterdam cafe and turn it into a sweet smelling (with a hint of skunk) plant that you then give to me to dry and distribute into my lungs via a six foot tall glass looking pipe thing and a bic lighter.

  10. cooler rut December 11, 2008 at 9:29 pm #

    “ill go straight up Blaine on his ass”..what does this mean?

  11. RandBall's Stu December 11, 2008 at 9:33 pm #

    cooler rut: kind of like a blood reckoning, but with jean shorts and an unironic Poison t-shirt.

  12. Dave MN December 12, 2008 at 9:57 am #

    with jean shorts and an unironic Poison t-shirt.

    Yeah, if they were worn ironically, it would be “going straight up Tangletown on his ass”

  13. RandBall's Stu December 12, 2008 at 10:03 am #

    Quite correct, David.

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