When his team hit the Candlestick Park locker room at halftime trailing the Seahawks 20-3, Singletary called everyone to attention, dropped his pants and pointed to his rear end, to fully illustrate what the coach thought of his players’ performance.
According to a report that first aired on Phoenix-area radio XTRA-910, Singletary then berated the team for three to four minutes with his pants around his ankles.
After considering the appropriateness of this move, after weighing the pros and cons concerning the ramifications of such an unheard-of motivational ploy, I have decided I fully support this tactic.
Now, those of you who know me are surely asking, “B, what are you smoking? You abhor any and all displays of outward emotion, doubly so in the realm of sports. You roll your eyes at the concepts of camaraderie, heart and intensity. You cruelly berate any friend or family member who happens to believe in such factors. You were born without tear ducts. You were born without the ability to make a fist. Most importantly, you were born without a heart; in its place is a calculator and the knowledge of numerous studies conducted that show emotion to be the antithesis of progress. You have never screamed, yelled or even grunted with displeasure. Legend has it that when you learned your parents would be getting a divorce, you offered a solemn nod before replacing your headphones and listening to the classic Vanilla Ice anthem “Having a Roni.” The B I know would be staunchly opposed to this most recent display of childish emotional outbursts from a grown man. What gives? What happened to you?”
To which I respond: while that may be true, I also possess a funny bone. I know comedic potential when I see it, and Singletary’s got it in spades. If people in the sporting world start acting all “rational” and “level-headed” and “smart,” well, who would we laugh at then? Mike Singletary: don’t stop doing what you’re doing. Those of us who love laughter badly need you right now.