This week in…

12 Aug

MOVIES: Longtime readers are familiar with my opinion on the movie Crash (subtle hint: it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen), so y’all can imagine my pants-tightening delight when Gabe from Videogum reviewed Crash for his “Worst Movie of All Time” series. Preach on, brah.

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EATERIES: Breaking news, Denny’s is about to become infinitely cooler. They’re unveiling a new “rock star menu” with dishes created by bands such as Taking Back Sunday and the Eagles of Death Metal, and will be playing alternative rock music from 10 pm to 5 am. Considering competitor Perkins’ Chicken Tender Melt is so delicious I don’t know whether to eat it or shove it down my pants, I won’t be attending a Denny’s anytime soon, but it’s nice to know it’s an option.

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ALMOST LITERALLY UNBELIEVABLE STORIES: Did you hear about one Bernann McKinney, who had her dead pitbull Booger cloned by South Korean scientists? OK, that’s crazy enough to begin with, I agree, but take a ganders at this development: she is reportedly the same woman who fled a warrant 31 years ago for making a Morman her sex slave. I can’t believe my fingers just typed that sentence. Here is the Associated Press story. I am speechless. Without speech.

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POLICY: Here’s a decently short article hinting at the prospective foreign relations behavior conducted by the two Presidential candidates. Barack: diplomatic. McCain: not fucking around.

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LOCAL POLICY: Mental note to Minnesotans: do not vote for Michele Bachmann. I have no idea about anything that she’s done, besides the fact that she recently said this:

“[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she’s just trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet — we didn’t need Nancy Pelosi to do that.”

You know what? I think she’s right. Screw off, Reduce, Reuse and Recycle! This planet’s done already been saved! And do you know who saved it? That’s an easy one, dumbshit. This planet was retroactively saved by our overuse by my Lord and Savior Je-[shoots self in face].

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LINK OF THE WEEK: David Brooks from the New York Times brings some stone-cold pain this week, penning a column advising youngsters how to exceed as an elitist hipster in the digital age. An excerpt:

In order to cement your status in the cultural elite, you want to be already sick of everything no one else has even heard of.

When you first come across some obscure cultural artifact — an unknown indie band, organic skate sneakers or wireless headphones from Finland — you will want to erupt with ecstatic enthusiasm. This will highlight the importance of your cultural discovery, the fineness of your discerning taste, and your early adopter insiderness for having found it before anyone else.

Then, a few weeks later, after the object is slightly better known, you will dismiss all the hype with a gesture of putrid disgust. This will demonstrate your lofty superiority to the sluggish masses. It will show how far ahead of the crowd you are and how distantly you have already ventured into the future.

That is a truth-fact, people.

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5 Responses to “This week in…”

  1. RandBall's Stu August 13, 2008 at 7:50 am #

    RE: McCain’s stance on Russia/Georgia. Here’s a better idea, Senator: shut up.

  2. A.B. August 14, 2008 at 4:35 pm #

    Regarding the Almost Unbelievable Stories. Holy EFFING CRAP. If I could make up stuff like that and write it in an engaging way, I’d finally publish that novel I hope one day to stop dreaming about. There were so many delicious tidbits, but this has to be one of my favorites:

    “Press reports at the time that said the pair then jumped bail, posing as deaf-mute actors in Ireland to board an Air Canada flight to Toronto and eventually a bus to Cleveland, where investigators lost their trail.”

    Wha?

    I smell a Tarantino comeback.

    In unrelated news, Michele Bachman is atrocious. She’s despicable, ignorant, and self-righteous, and those are the kindest things I can say about her.

  3. Cool Rut August 15, 2008 at 4:18 pm #

    Is this the same Michele Bachman that organized a prayer circle for an openly gay State Representative while she was in the MN House? The best part of the circle was they actually had the prayer circle around the person’s desk while said person was working on the floor of the House. The downside of the circle was that all the prayer did not work-I think he still craved big penises just as much as he did prior to the circle.

  4. Cool Rut August 15, 2008 at 4:20 pm #

    I like the word circle. To clear up my poor writing-the person was sitting at the desk. No word on his reaction.

  5. Cool Rut August 15, 2008 at 4:21 pm #

    My thought is that he probably thought of circle-jerk and organized a nice party at his tastefully decorated condo.

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