The perfect website to waste your time and pull unfunny pranks

6 Aug

Say, kiddo, are you the type of person that enjoys pulling pranks on friends even when you’re the only person in on the joke? If so, then boy howdy have I got the site for y–

Wait, you don’t? Which means I’m the only asshole around here? Well then, I guess I’m the only one who can fully appreciate nicecritic.com.

Here’s the gist: nicecritic.com allows users to send an anonymous “helpful” message to someone (i.e. please turn your cubicle volume down), or… OR! — and I’m sure I’m the first person on the planet to have thought of this – send cruelly amusing notes to unsuspecting friends and family members, just to see if they peg you as the culprit.

Which is exactly what I did. Here are my results:

To: my girlfriend

Message: “You might want to consider wearing longer skirts/dresses.”

Reason: She works in a stuffy corporate office with a bunch of middle-aged people; I figured this note would possibly fill her with so much shame and embarrassment it would ruin her day. In other news, I’m pretty sure my girlfriend hates me.

Reaction: None, which means she either (a) didn’t bring it up to me because she was so mortified she thought it better to ignore, or, (b) she knew it was me and didn’t find the joke funny at all. Which I can understand. Either way: damn. 0-1.

To: my roommate Norm

Message: “Yelling doesn’t help morale.”

Reason: Norm is the world’s biggest jerk while playing sports, deriding opponents and teammates alike. A normal reaction to Norm losing at something is along the lines of, “You got lucky, you aren’t any good at this game, I wasn’t even trying, oh and by the way your girlfriend is a slut.” Grade-A asshole. Plus, he plays in a softball league so I figured he’d assume this was from a slighted teammate.

Reaction: Norm forwarded me and our pal The Murph the NiceCritic email within about 15 minutes of receiving it, writing “Please tell me one of you guys sent this as a joke.” He didn’t sound concerned in the least. Another failure.

To: my friend The Murph

Message: “Please refrain from slapping people’s buttocks”

Reason: The Murph is a sharp guy, so I figured the only chance I had at tricking him would be to send something totally random and strange. The Murph does not make a habit of slapping asses, far as I know.

Reaction: I hadn’t planned on Norm asking The Murph about his NiceCritic email, so once he did, the both of them figured out right quick that I was the culprit. Guhhhhh.

To: my sister

Message: “Please invest in some odor eliminators for your shoes.”

Reason: My kid sister is a pseudo-receptionist, so a message like this could’ve feasibly come from one of the many people she sees throughout the day.

Reaction: None. Shit.

To: my friend Spoon

Message: “You have a noticeable post-bathroom stain.”

Reason: Do I really need a reason? I think not. If I were on the receiving end of this note I’d drop everything and hightail it to the bathroom. Actually, I might just run to my car and drive home for the day. I was hoping for a similar response of panic from Spoon.

Reaction: Also, none. What is going on here?

***

To recap: My original goal with this exercise was to piss my friends off by making them unfairly self-conscious while at work, but not only did I seemingly fail in that regard, I also lost all confidence in my ability to gauge a humorous prank.

Man. This really, really backfired.

Advertisements

5 Responses to “The perfect website to waste your time and pull unfunny pranks”

  1. D August 7, 2008 at 12:54 pm #

    Damn, I thought someone in the office was flirting with me in a weird way. Shoot. At least you got me!

  2. Gates August 7, 2008 at 4:05 pm #

    I think you’ve got to bring the family into this. The parents, grandparents and aunts & uncles of B may be caught off guard more easily, no?
    (Ir)regardless (you’re favorite non-word), it is an awesome prank.

  3. Gates August 7, 2008 at 4:08 pm #

    Also, just realized I did the ‘you’re’ when it was supposed to be ‘your’…and I hate when people make that mistake. Damn, I’m slipping. That has to be my #2 pet-peeve, after racism of course.

  4. norm August 7, 2008 at 9:40 pm #

    I’ll start out by saying I had no idea it was you until reading this post. I just looked back to the email I forwarded to B and the Murph on Monday. B responded first saying: “Maybe it was the same guy that stole your sandwich.” Then the Murph, “dude it was you… I got one too that told me to stop slapping butts.”

    I thought the “dude it was you” was a response to my original email trying to make me accept my fate as a dick. I now see how I should have interpreted it. Oops I made an error.

    Anyway, I have been racking my brain for the past 3 days trying to figure out who would have sent me the note. I assumed it was a co-worker that misunderstood me at our Monday morning group meeting. Since these meetings can be somewhat lively, I assumed someone thought I was yelling and was hurting morale.

    After the email, I have been doing some detective work, including opening up the website link in front of others just to see if I could get some reaction out of someone – no luck. Also, since we all have access to each other’s computers, I was actually considering logging onto other computers and checking recent web visits. I didn’t, but was so concerned about this email that I actually considered it. I wanted to weed out the rat bastard that sent this. Well, I feel like an idiot now. Congratulations.

    Well, I just want to warn you to expect a disproportionate response at sometime in the upcoming months, wiener-head.

  5. B. August 8, 2008 at 7:40 am #

    I haven’t been that happy reading something since my letter to Penthouse Forums got published. Thank you, Norm. A million times, thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: