The Cooler: sports-themed edition

20 Mar

garnett.jpgI’ve been sorely missing MJD’s classic “The Debriefing” column since he left AOL, but he’s since been kicking it at his Yahoo NFL blog. Some good stuff there; his David Carr coverage is one example.

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This article on ESPN.com had me all kinds of confused. Not in the manner it was written, but why it was even written in the first place. The premise: that the defensive end position isn’t as vaunted as it once was. Maybe I’m crazy here (no I am not), but didn’t the NY Giants just pull off a huge upset, largely credited to their defensive ends? Hasn’t the position been getting more press, more respect, more attention, than ever before? And also, the featured person in this article is former DE Chuck Smith, he of 59 sacks in 9 seasons. Even if we’re feeling friendly and round up to say he averaged seven sacks per season, you’d still have 30 players that recorded more than that in ’07. Why is this guy the expert, and why is he harping on the defensive ends of today when they’re undoubtedly better than the previous generation? Seriously, I’m curious. Someone help me.

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Minnesota Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor recently accused Kevin Garnett of tanking last season. Thanks for weighing in, you absolute moron. KFAN host Dan Barreiro made the best point by asking, “did Kevin Garnett order Mark Madsen to attempt seven three-pointers in last season’s finale?” Taylor, a word of advice from every T-Wolves fan: until you fire Kevin McHale, the man you hired, the man who has driven this franchise to the point of embarrassment, we do not want to hear from you, ever, about anything.

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I were asked to predict the former major league baseball player who ended up being far and away the biggest present-day douche bag, I wouldn’t in a million years have guessed Lenny Dykstra. And yet, it’s true. Bragging about his wealth, carrying three cell phones, bringing laptops into high-end restaurants and making servers provide an extension cord … check, check, check. I especially loved this quote from Dykstra, on his writing style:

“Me and Mr. Thesaurus were, like, buddies,” he said.

Yep, nothing says ‘quality writer’ than someone who refers to his thesaurus as a friend. What a jackass.

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March Madness is officially under way. I still don’t understand the inevitable articles released every year that claim the amount of dollars lost in work productivity. Listen: it’s not as if these workers spend every other week during the year chained to their desks, and when the tourney comes around they all-of-a-sudden cease work altogether. Last week they were chatting in the break room, this next week they’ll be catching up on their NCAA scores, and when the tournament is over, they’ll chat in coworkers’ cubes or perfect their minesweeper scores or stare at the wall. OK? Now, please, stop writing the same damn article every year.

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Those who missed it the first time around can read the March Madness essay I wrote last year for Showplace Magazine.

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