The return of new television shows colon closed parentheses!

3 Mar

humangiant.jpgThings are looking up. The tear-inducing month of February has finally ended, the baseball season is fast-arriving, and, thank god, new episodes from our favorite TV shows will soon hit the boob tube. I feel no shame in admitting that the writers’ strike nearly killed me.

An update on a few of my favorite shows, in no order because I’m too lazy to put them in order:

How I Met Your Mother:
set to return Monday, March 17, at a new time of 7:30 PM CST. HIMYM and Big Bang Theory have flip-flopped times; why, god knows. Looks like Big Bang has quite the following – just another example of the liberal media cramming its fabricated ‘evolution’ theory down our throats. Or, it could be a lesson we all learned in the episode of Saved By The Bell that pitted Zach’s and Screech’s school song nominations against each other: there are a lot more nerds in this country than you’d think.

Human Giant: Season two premieres Thursday, March 11 @ 10 PM CST. It promises to be the third best show on MTV, after the Emmy-nominated “Elimi-Rape,” the show where young single guys choose which woman they’d most like to force into sex, and “America’s Most Bulimic.” What a network! (OK, full disclosure: I actually dig “Made” and “True Life.”)

The Office: April 10th at 8 PM CST can’t come soon enough. Let’s hope my one-man chant of “More Andy Bernard!” outside the NBC offices were heard. And, judging by executive Ben Silverman’s restraining order, I’d say they were.

30 Rock: Check that; April 10th at 7:30 PM CST can’t come soon enough.

Friday Night Lights: Still no word on whether there’ll be a third season or not, but meantime, the DVD of season two will be available April 22. One life lesson I recently learned: applying the popular “What Would Riggins Do?” question to life only works until you get sent home from work for being drunk at noon and hitting on the boss’ teenage daughter.  In my defense – by which I mean the defense I am planning on using in my upcoming court case – almost every girl looks legal when you’re hammered.

Baseball Tonight: Returns March 18th, nearly two weeks before the start of the baseball season. Karl Ravech will be back as host, but, sadly, still no Harold Reynolds presence. Let us never forget the Inappropriate Hug Felt ‘Round the World.

Top Chef: Is anyone else hungry for a fourth helping of the delicious reality series Top Chef? Hope you’ve got a big appetite, because this season is sure to put a fork in all the other seasons combined with its tasty drama and family-sized competitions. (Damn, one pun too far.) Wednesday, March 12, 9 PM CST, Bravo.

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