I hate SportsCenter

4 Feb

mercury.jpgI can think of no better example of SportsCenter’s freefall into complete unwatchableness (invented word © WoB) than this: last night, after watching one of the greatest sporting events in my lifetime, I (reluctantly) flipped the channel to ESPN to watch the postgame coverage. What was SportsCenter’s lead-in feature? Was it video highlights, postgame interviews, expert analysis? Nah. Instead, SportsCenter decided to conduct a phone interview with Mercury Morris, the pathetic face of the pathetic 1972 Dolphins clan, speaking of how he cried when the Giants won because it preserved the Dolphins legacy. Sports fans, raise your hands if you give a flying f*ck about the 1972 Dolphins.

Morris has unarguably delivered nothing of substance to the football conversation from the get-go — unless you count desperate cries for attention unintentionally hilarious rants “substance” — and anyone with a semblance of an interest in football knows it.


So why is this moron on SportsCenter? Because that’s what SportsCenter does these days: shunning intellectual analysis in favor of gossippy, superficial jackassery that values flash over function. And Mercury Morris is the flagship show’s spokesman of buffoonery.

I’m reminded of an ingenious comment made on a former favorite website, one that has always helped me justify why I rate sports as my favorite of entertainment endeavors: “Sports are the last outpost of truth and substance in a world where Paris Hilton can be famous.” Great point, that. And today, to come full circle, Mercury Morris is sports’ version of Paris Hilton – famous simply for trying to be famous. And seeing SportsCenter continue to feature this blowhard so egregiously and unabashedly…that, my friends, is the problem with the entire ESPN machine today.

SportsCenter: I hate you.


3 Responses to “I hate SportsCenter”

  1. The Murph February 5, 2008 at 8:25 am #


    I wonder if you would be this upset if instead of Mercury Morris, it was Mark O’Morris, a 260 lb center of Irish decent.

  2. B. February 5, 2008 at 6:03 pm #

    Speaking of O’Morris, if you see him, you tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today.

  3. The Murph February 6, 2008 at 8:10 am #


    I told Mark that you are going to do him later today.

    He was upset.

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