The Cooler: reporting on location

10 Oct

halloween.jpgThis edition of The Cooler was written from JFK airport in New York. On my way here from Manhattan, my cabbie stopped at a gas station to fuel up. As he stepped out of his car, he quickly zipped up, buttoned his pants and re-did his belt. Turns out he enjoys driving with his pants open. I’d never considered that as an option. Are we doing this now? Is this acceptable? Am I the last to know?

As I ponder whether or not I should adopt this “open pants” technique as my own — I admit, I am intrigued — here are the must-reads this week.

>> Having trouble thinking of a Halloween costume? Too lazy to head to your local Ragstock? Too fat to squeeze into last year’s outfit? Head on over to Cracked for some stellar ideas. This feature had me LOLing like a goddamn lunatic.

>> This week’s Elton John Supports Gay Marriage Hall of Fame nominee for “least shocking news ever” is the report that Jes dumped Brett Michaels after he chose her in the season finale of Rock of Love. Did anyone catch this show? It was the car crash hit of the summer, far as I’m concerned, and any one who tuned in to even one episode could have predicted that Brett would choose Jes, and Jes would immediately dump him for someone taller and less obsessed with bandannas. When are these reality dating show people going to learn to choose the obsessed one? It’s your only chance for happiness. Anyone else is going to ditch you as soon as they realize how lame you are once the cameras have stopped rolling. (For more proof, see: every season of The Bachelor that I’ve been forced to watch.)

>> Are you sitting down? Because here’s a news flash: studies have shown that human beings are more likely to remember significant events over more trivial, regular matters. The study helps explain “why you remember a breakup so vividly but can’t for the life of you recall that meeting you had at work.” Seriously: there were actual scientists, put to work, testing on lab rats, to come to the conclusion that EVERYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING BRAIN ALREADY KNEW. Thanks for the findings, scientists; now get back to working on more important matters, such as a cure for herpes.

Like, right now. Please. I’m begging you.

>> Well, this site has “sure-fire winner” written all over it: “Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.”

>> Hey Richmond, Virginia: President Bush called… (groans abound. Apologies for that Leno joke.)

>> Stereogum has posted some limited free mp3s of indie musicians covering songs from R.E.M.’s “Automatic For The People.” Hurry on up and get to downloadin’, y’all.

That’ll do it for this week’s links. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to board the plane for home.

*Closes computer, stands, zips up and walks away*

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