Two companies that are ruining planet Earth

19 Sep

treelove.jpg1. GQ magazine

A recent issue of GQ emerged from the presses at over 400 pages. 400 pages. As a reminder, GQ isn’t an annual prospectus on life-altering matters – it is a quarterly-issued pseudo-homorag detailing the latest advancements in eyebrow-plucking and the proper width of a necktie. Fucking hell, GQ, are you SURE you need to print that many pages? I know your industry is hurting worse than the ass-hair waxing procedure you suggested on page 318, but I doubt the necessity for that much content. I seriously, seriously doubt it.

And to be honest, I’ll let you know that my first and only thought when gazing upon your Bible-length issue is that there is no way I am going read a 400-page magazine. Doesn’t matter if you’ve got nude photos of Jessica Biel or an interview with the sharpshooter on the grassy knoll. Sorry. Even 400-page books are usually a bit too long for my taste, and they don’t include 250 pages of covertly homosexual advertisements. Come on GQ, think of the trees for once and think about cuttin’ the content back a bit.

2. Potbelly

I know I’ve voiced a minor complaint over the annoying rah-rah nature of Potbelly’s employees, but the truth is their “Wreck” sandwich is perched near the very top of my list of favorite lunchtime meals.

My love for that sandwich can be attributed mostly to the hot peppers. Sure, the bread is always perfectly toasted, the meat is decent, etc, but those hot peppers are so money I don’t know whether to eat them or shove them down my pants.

But good god do those peppers make my sandwich greasy. It’s become this whole ordeal for me to eat a Wreck at my desk without ending up looking oilier than a sweaty Corleone. The procedure unfortunately involves numerous napkins – hence the abuse to our planet.

A recap of my total usage: I need to wrap the sandwich in about six napkins just to get it back to the office without soiling my car seat. From there it’s like three more to blot the now-soaked sammy before digging in, then there’s the eight or nine mid-meal to mop up my drenched face, followed by the 15 napkins needed after completion to swab my soaked hands, and a few more after the hand-drying used to wipe up the spice-induced sweat that’s begun to form on my forehead and cheekbones. I’m this close to throwing an entire napkin dispenser in with my sandwich as I exite Potbelly. That just isn’t right.

I’ll admit, that messy process is totally worth it for the sake of enjoying a Wreck, but planet Earth is really taking it up the tailpipe on this one. Something needs to change.


2 Responses to “Two companies that are ruining planet Earth”

  1. A.B. September 24, 2007 at 11:05 am #

    Anyone looking for a Secret Santa gift for B, look no further:

  2. B. September 24, 2007 at 8:44 pm #

    So true, A.B., so true. That was a helluva joke there. Or, dare I say…a JILF?

    But again, I’ve said too much.

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