Idea: say goodbye to swass

29 Aug
monroelikesthefan.jpgHere’s an idea that someone needs to bring to life: a ground fan that blows cold air directly upwards. It’d be positioned on the floor and you’d stand on it like a scale, except your feet would be about shoulder-width apart. Once you stepped on the apparatus, a fan located between your feet would shoot freezing cold air straight up between your legs.

The goal is to dry out any ass or inner thigh sweat you may have unfortunately attained. Perfect for public restrooms at outdoor locales – golf courses, baseball fields, zoos, etc. Not to mention your hotter-than-hell nightclubs. The ground fan would mostly be utilized by fellas, but I’d bet top dollar the ladies would love one in their restroom as well. I’d have one in every room of my house, and probably at the office as well.

They say the key to a good invention is locating a problem and finding a solution. I think we can all agree that crack sauce is a problem, yes? Of course we can. Now, finally, there’ll be a solution.

The only thing that’s delaying me from beginning the patent process is my inability to think of a suitable product name. I was thinking “The Ass Dryer,” but my friend one-upped me with “The Taint Fan.” I’m at a loss, but I’ll have to think of something soon – those asses aren’t just going to fan themselves.


3 Responses to “Idea: say goodbye to swass”

  1. Mrs. Silence Dogood August 30, 2007 at 8:55 pm #

    Your entire article abounds with unfounded data. I especially enjoy how the author makes the assumption that having swass is an undesirable situation. Without imperical evidence, Mr. B’s entire diatribe against swass is presumptuous. According to studies I have conducted, swass is a desirable trait. In fact, my studies can negate all of the authors aguments for the neccesity of a “de-swassinating” machine:

    1) At sporting events (golf courses, baseball games, etc.), swass keeps body temperature down.

    2) At zoos, the pungent swass oder will attract more animals for you to see.

    3) At nightclubs, swass serves as a natural lubricant between you and your dance partner–this is swass’s best quality.

    For more information about the swass studies I have conducted, visit the Franklin Institute of Boston.

    Mrs. Silence Dogood

  2. Wedge Antilles August 30, 2007 at 10:27 pm #

    Swass is the debut album by Sir Mix-a-Lot. It was released in 1988 on American Recordings.
    ==Track listing==
    1. Buttermilk Biscuits (Keep On Square Dancin’)
    2. Posse On Broadway
    3. Gold
    4. Swass
    5. Rippn’ (Duet With Kid Sensation)
    6. Attack On The Stars
    7. Mall Dropper
    8. Hip Hop Soldier
    9. Iron Man (Featuring Metal Church)
    10. Bremelo
    11. Square Dance Rap
    12. Romantic Interlude
    13. F The BS

  3. Cool Rut August 31, 2007 at 11:53 am #

    I still call it “caddy a$$”. Remember those hot days on the course when it felt like two 100 grit pieces of sandpaper rubbing between your cheeks? Damn I don’t miss that. The bacon in the jumpsuits, of the dudes that went commando, would create a nice aroma in the shack.

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