Well, at least they aren't as bad as The Hawk

5 Jun

gladdensi.jpgTwo recent gems from Twins broadcasters:

1. A few games back, Dick Bremer was mid-sentence, doing a promo of some sorts, and his voice cracked in this comical, Peter Brady-esque manner. He said a quick ‘excuse me,’ and after a few beats of silence, Bert Blyleven blurted out, “Don’t worry, Dick, the hair will come soon.” Bremer politely chuckled and quickly changed the subject. Because, you know, that’s what you do when someone mentions your hypothetical lack of pubic hair on live television. But that’s what we’ve come to expect from Bert — a bratty refusal to pass up the most obvious joke. Or question, for that matter.

2. Over on the radio network, John “I Wish I Could Make Love To My Own Voice” Gordon and Dan Gladden were weighing in on the recent scuffle between Cubs teammates Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett. Gordon offered a few tsk-tsks before getting back to his sensual larynx massage, and Gladden began to come down on the Cubbies teammates as well. A few seconds later — the time I imagine it takes someone to hurl the 1998 Twins guide at Gladden’s head — he meekly concluded his speech with, “It’s an unfortunate situation, and, and…well, I guess I’m not the best person comment on this.” You’ve got a point there, Dazzle. I’d say that anyone who fights with a teammate on his own front lawn, with his daughter bearing witness, may want to steer clear from lecturing others about the importance of respect for teammates. But thanks for your continued efforts to attempt to come up with something interesting to say.

So, to recap: Gladden 0, Blyleven -1. Pretty standard week around these parts.


7 Responses to “Well, at least they aren't as bad as The Hawk”

  1. Ms. Minneapolis June 6, 2007 at 10:09 am #

    oh i totally forgot about the gladden vs. lombardozzi thing — thanks for recalling the memories. sidenote i always did like the way bob casey pronounced lombardozzi’s name. “steve lum-bar-DDDOOOOOOOOOZZZZEEE”

    and then after the season they traded tom brunasky for freakin tommy herr and got rid of lombo. tommy herr did absolutely nothiing as a twin, plus by getting rid of bruno, herbie lost his rowdy drinking party. it’s nearly 20 years after the trade and i’m still as bitter as i was in 2nd grade.

    and how bert still have a job on tv? reusse had a great line last year that the greatest drinking game would be to take a drink everytime bert says “major league level” gosh sometime i heart reusse. only sometimes.

  2. Brandon June 7, 2007 at 10:30 am #

    Sounds like a fun game. I’d suggest adding “dropped the head of the bat,” “pitchers are the best athletes on the field,” and “only {x} days until my birthday”… but a game like that has “death by alcohol poisoning” written all over it.

  3. Ms. Minneapolis June 7, 2007 at 11:39 am #

    “you are there by circled” i don’t think i could stay sober past three innings if you included all five. could you?

  4. Cool Rut June 7, 2007 at 8:51 pm #

    I remember the fight like it was yesterday. I was bartending at a bar that was frequented by pro athletes, usually post-game. Steve sat at the bar and ordered a “s%# on the beach”. He usually had one and he never stayed long. That night he seemed troubled. When he ordered a colorado bulldog, I knew he needed to talk. Something had to be eating at him.

    I passed “bartender psychology 101″ with an “A”, so I know body language. I remember thinking about how I was going to get him to talk. I knew he was on the sensitive side for a man, especially an athlete. So I did what I do with the ladies, pretend to care, feel their pain, never offer to fix the problem and nod a lot. It worked like a charm. He left in good spirits. I actually told him that I thought it was okay to be upset if you are called a hurtful name. I wanted to say “get some stones and man-up, you baby”, but being honest was not in my job description.

    Is it any surprise that I was shocked to read about the altercation the next morning in the newspaper. He never mentioned dazzle or the game, but I had watched the game that afternoon and the TV crew had picked up video of a little spat between the two.
    I was disillusioned for a few days.

    How would giving advice, lending an ear or pouring the perfect appletini have meaning anymore? I put on a perfect show, caused a 180 degree turn in attitude but, what I hoped to prevent, still happened.

    This story is not about me, but Dazzle and Lombo left quite an impression on this humble, retired bartender.

  5. Ms. Minneapolis June 7, 2007 at 9:13 pm #

    Cool Rut that is fantabulous. I hope you only tended bar at the finer establishments near the Dumpy Dome — Grumpy’s, Bullwinkles, etc.

  6. Ms. Minneapolis June 7, 2007 at 9:23 pm #

    So busy day at the office tomorrow. I’ll start the trivia and hope you boys have answers by next week … or whenever. All these have ties to “this week in Minnesota.”

    1. Gwen Stefani’s brother left No Doubt to be a cartoonist for what show?
    2. Which NHL team has won the most Stanley Cups?
    3. Since the Twins are about to start a series with the nationals how many teams did Frank Robinson play for and name them?
    4. List your top five Minnesotans of all time
    5. WAGERS: When will Garza reappear at the major league level (date please) and/or when will Bert again be in trouble with the FCC.

    Answers to follow…..at some time.

  7. Ms. Minneapolis June 20, 2007 at 3:55 pm #

    not that anyone cared. but for the sake of trivia
    simpsons. montreal canadians. four.

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