I shall continue to challenge the anonymity of commenters

9 May

joelg.jpgReader Joel G is doing more for humanity than you are.

The proof is two-fold.

First off, he’s growing a mustache. That right there, the very presence of a world-class soup strainer, is enough to prove that Joel’s bringing more smiles to faces than you are. Unless you can compete with that finely-manicured, bronze-dipped nose neighbor, you might as well give up the fight and admit defeat. Joel’s gotcha by the short hairs. The ones below the waist.

As if that luscious cookieduster isn’t enough to confirm your relative inferiority, peep this: he’s growing that thing for charity. True story. In an effort to raise money for 826 Valencia (a non-profit writing center, and B’s charity of choice), Joel is participating in the now-famous Mustache-a-Thon. He’s trying to raise funds for books and paper and supplies and whatnot by growing out a lil’ Dr. Fuzzenstein for the world to see. Take another gander at that photo above. Ain’t it beautiful? And that’s after only one week. A report earlier today from sir Joel: “The mustache is starting to get to the point where I can chew on it. That’s when you know you’re doing something right.” (I wouldn’t know. I could go a full month without putting a blade to my lip and I’d look like a latina woman who ran out of wax for a week. So I’ll have to trust him on this one.)

So how to compete with Joel’s unrivaled awesomeness? Should we just bury our bare-lipped faces in our hands and cry? Is there any hope for the rest of us?

Why, yes. Yes there is. Support Joel’s mission (scroll down and click on his name). It’s a simple concept: he grows, you give. Open up those purse strings and lighten the load, friends. Give because it feels good, because you’ve got some spare coin, because the kids need it…but most of all, because someone else grew a mustache so you didn’t have to.

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