The Cooler: just going through the motions

25 Mar

schwartzman.jpgWORTHLESS CELEBRITY NEWS/WHY YOU DON’T NEED PEREZ HILTON: I don’t link to The Superficial much these days, but the site still brings the goods daily. A recent favorite: “Ryan Seacrest is almost too straight.” The site’s headlines alone are worth the price of admission.


SATIRE: Sarah Hepola’s review of South by Southwest.  So funny I fumed with jealousy.


MILDLY UPSETTING RUMOR: “How I Met Your Mother” — one of two shows I watch weekly — may be in danger of getting cancelled. Yet According to Jim is now running in syndication. Don’t ask me. You rabid fans of HIMYM can visit this website and sign a petition if you’re the type of person who visits websites and signs petitions. Barney needs you now more than ever.


REMINDING ME OF ME: From McSweeney’s: “Failing at Flirting with the Hot Girl at the Office Where my Friend Works.”


NOWADAYS, IT’S NEWSWORTHY ANYTIME SNL IS ACTUALLY FUNNY: which is completely true, and sad. Anyway, I recommend checking out Chris Rock’s election commentary from last week’s SNL. Definitely the best part of the season that didn’t involve putting your junk in that box.


SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE MIDWEST: In the latest stranger-than-fiction news, a St Paul man was arrested for biting the head off a 17-year-old’s dog and sending it to her in the mail. In.F*cking.Sane. Kids are so different these days. In my day, if an underaged teen rescinded our overzealous propositions, we’d traditionally retaliate by sending a homemade turd sandwich via the good old USPS, but this younger generation keeps upping the ante. Wow.


BEST SONG: Besides the “Rehab (Desert Eagle Remix)” is Coconut Records’ (actually Jason Schwartzman, who not only starred in Rushmore, but started Phantom Planet and penned “California”) new single “West Coast.” The song was actually featured on The OC a few moons back, but just made its way to iTunes this past week. So good.


BEST THING JUNKINESS HAS EVER WRITTEN: May be the post Tar Me Baby One More Time. Equal parts clever and inappropriate, which is obviously the ideal criteria combination for me.


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