Idol: The (potentially brief) return of the recaps

14 Mar

idollogo.gif(Apologies in advance for the snarkiness.)

All I’ve ever asked from this stupid show was some lunacy. That’s it. I never expected kick-ass competitors or famous guest performances, just wanted some nutty antics that could provide some decent chit-chat fodder the following morning. And the first five seasons brought the goods, week in and week out. Laughed with my co-workers about it, perfected a few impressions (my Constantine glare alone has resulted in numerous restraining orders from complete strangers), bonded with my fanatical sister. That is the purpose American Idol served for me.

And now, it looks like all that fun might be over. One show in and I’m about to give up. Not only has the quality gone downhill this year (again, not like I care), but the ridiculous personalities are nowhere to be found either. I miss Clay Aiken’s noble attempt at heterosexuality, Paula’s insanity, Scott Savol’s chinstrap beard, Elliott’s lovable/hideous mother…the list goes on. This year: nothing. I ran through last night’s entire two-hour episode in less than half an hour, speeding past most of the judges’ comments, the Diana Ross tutor sessions, and the last half of most of the performances. Lame, lame, lame.

I’m sick of Melinda’s shocked reaction every time someone says something remotely nice about her (I have a feeling if you slapped her across the face she’d apologize for getting in the way of your hand), sick of Phil Stacy’s quest to become America’s next Michael Bolton, sick of not even remembering most of the other competitors’ names. I don’t feel mentally equipped to write coherently about Sanjaya. He doesn’t belong on this stage; he doesn’t belong on any stage. If he sang like that at my high school talent show I would’ve chucked my pager at him.

And, hey, Paula? God bless you for inexplicably weeping after Melinda’s song…but we need a little more from you. Remember that video of Anna Nicole and her face paint? Let’s see if you can one-up that level of crazy. We need you now more than ever.


One Response to “Idol: The (potentially brief) return of the recaps”

  1. Cool Rut March 15, 2007 at 7:51 am #

    You nailed it.

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