The Cooler: we too want the ketchup fights, the tickling, the giggling

22 Feb
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Lots of lunacy going on in the past week (beyond the headline-grabbing showboat judges and umbrella-wielding mental patients). A rundown of the damage:

>> Let us watch as the Comedy Central insider makes a damn fool out of producer/complete moron Joel Surnow. Poor fella. Being an idiot is hard enough without having people constantly attempting to find out how much of a liar you are. I presume.

>> Minnesota Twins fans, take note of a new blog: Lavelle E. Neal’s Twins Insider. The blog provides not only an inside peek at the Twins’ goings-on, but also helps to fill the affirmative action quota on your blogroll. Hello, win-win! (Crowd groans.)

>> Okay, you tell me: what’s the funnier essay from The Morning News, Will You Watch My Computer for Me? or My Bloodthirsty Valentine? Answer: who cares. Two outstanding pieces of work.

>> There is – and this is an actual news story – a theme park in El Alberto, Mexico in which paying customers can simulate the experience of sneaking into the US. During the activity, “Residents pay to walk in mud past their ankles, balance on ledges – in pitch black – that drop steeply, and sprint across corn fields, kicking up dirt and rocks as they run from fake US border patrol officers dressed in camouflage.”

Not to be outdone, the City of San Antonio has developed a theme park in which American citizens can pay to shoot an illegal immigrant.

>> McDonald’s has ordered two artists to stop selling their McCokespoon products, so it looks like you’ll have to find a different gift for Tommy Lee’s birthday. Despite disallowing the sales of that product, McDonald’s executives reported they plan to proceed with their development of the Hallucinogenic ‘Shroom Burger, McPot Brownies and Crushed Vicodin McFlurrys.

>> This is one of the many hilarious posts that have constituted Junkiness’ “We’re Going to Hell for This” category. I wish I had an audio clip of how hard I laughed at that Christopher Reeve comment. I’m talking Ulee from The Big Lebowski decibels.

>> A story this perfect could only come from Wisconsin: a man was arrested after running into his upstairs neighbors’ apartment with a sword thinking a woman was being raped. In actuality? The neighbor was just indulging in a good old porno. The police were called and an arrest was made, but in my defense I had no pants on and that sword really freaked me out.

>> I’m not going to begin recapping American Idol until the competitor pool gets drained a bit, but for now you can check into USA Today’s Idol Chatter blog if you’re jonesing for news. Tell ‘em World of B sent you and you’ll get…well, a whole lot of strange glances denoted by confused-face emoticons, that’s what.

>> Evidently Whitney over at PopCandy read my lame requiem on The OC and decided to offer a few articles that were actually cohesive and well-written. You can go ahead and read them if (air quotes) “quality writing” is what you’re into. I don’t care.

Seriously, just go.

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